Ramblings of a Tomb Robber
by Lady Joy Reborn
Summary: Take a peek into Bakura's demented mind through his journal. Find out what he things about cartoons, school, etc.
1. Ichi

Joy: Okay, I know I promised Pieces of the Puzzle, but I can't get that one out just yet. But I know everyone needs something to read, so I chose to type this up. I may add more, not sure. PotP is taking up a lot of my time writing wise. But everyone seemed to love my other Bakura story, so I decided to do another one. This one isa Journal type story.

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**Ichi**

Okay, I cannot for the life of me believe I am actually writing in this thing. Ryou gave me this…journal…because he said I do not show my feelings enough or some sentimental shit like that. Oh well. Might as well give it a whirl, if nothing more just to shut the kid up for a while.

… Damn Ryou and his chibi eyes…

This morning I made a very big mistake. I woke up.

Ryou was downstairs eating breakfast…without the Ring… Why in Ra's name do I put up with him? Anyway, I gave him a most explicit order to NEVER go anywhere with the Ring. I mean, if some evil asshole were to come up and try to take his life, how was I going to send the fool to the Shadow Realm if Ryou did not have the damn Ring on?

Honestly, I do not really care, but I have to have somewhere for my spirit to reside and I promised Ryou I would not try to take that bratty Kaiba kid's body anymore. Why did I promise all this you may ask?

Because of those damn chibi eyes… They are so Ra damned annoying and they are also the only things on this forsaken planet I detest as much as the Pharaoh no baka. And that is saying something.

Anyway, Ryou was upset after our talk so I left him alone and went to watch TV. I found myself embroiled in those cartoon shows. Yes, I watch cartoons. You have a problem, too bad. Try to laugh and you will out for yourself what the Shadow Realm looks like.

So there I am, watching cartoons and this one show comes on: The Smurfs. It was on some cartoon channel I was watching. I have been studying the show, actually. And no, it is not dumb to study cartoons. You find the most interesting ways to torment mortals on cartoons. Most of my most brilliant ideas came from them. All evil beings could benefit from watching cartoons. Try it yourself, but do not steal my ideas. I am a thief, not you, Ra damn it! Ahem. The Smurfs. Quite an interesting show to say the least. I have made one overall observation while watching the show.

Smurfs are evil.

Do not fucking look at me like that damn it! They are! They are blue abominations that were sent to plague mortality. They are perhaps even as evil as myself. Let me give you some reasons for this observation.

_One._ They are blue. Blue things are already evil by nature.

_Two._ They always travel in groups and thinking 'happy' thoughts while still tormenting the supposedly evil wizard and other "evil" people. I mean, how many times does Gargamel have to fall into the pond or go through his roof before people see the truth! The only reason Gargamel chases the Smurfs is because they are always getting in his way and making him look like a jackass. I bet he was perfectly happy before they even existed. Hell, if I saw a Smurf and I was in need of some money, I would catch it and sell it too! The man wears rags and these filthy blue menaces run around happy-go-lucky and with plenty of food and water to feed their despicable army!

_Three._ They wear the same thing EVERY DAMN DAY! WTF!

_Four._ Jokey Smurf and the Bomb Surprise Gifts. Enough said.

_Five._ There is only ONE damned girl Smurf in the army. I do not know if I have to go into the whole girl/boy thing, but is this natural? Does that one girl get all those guys? Does she have them line up outside her door or something every night? How many can she handle? A lot apparently.

So, in short, the Smurfs are the only creatures shorter than the Pharaoh's hikari that I cannot stand. I find myself rooting for Gargamel every damn episode and praying to the Gods that he FINALLY catches those blasted Smurfs and turns them into gold.

Enough said.

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Joy: There you are. Bakura's opinons of course. The titles of the chapters are gonna be Japanese numbers. 'Ichi' means one, btw. It counts up from that for every chapter. 


	2. Ni

**_Joy: Hey, everyone! Managed to finally finish this entry for Bakura's journal. I had part of it down before my limbo started, but now it's done, though I don't know if it is crap or just okay. You decide, readers._**

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**_Ni_**

Me again. Like anyone else would be writing in this thing.

Let me see, how to word my day…

Interesting comes to mind.

Ryou, for some idiotic reason, came up to me last night and asked me if I wanted to go with him to some stupid party his friends were having at Yugi's house. Of course I said no.

I think I mentioned before how irritating those chibi eyes of his were…

Needless to say, my opinion of those chibi eyes has not changed.

At first I thought I would go to see if I could get my hands on that Puzzle the kid wears around his neck, but then I remembered that Yami would most likely be out of the object and watching me like a hawk the entire evening, so I had to discover other things with which to amuse myself. Luckily for me things just seemed to go in my favor from the instant I walked through the door.

Here's the exact recap courtesy of my extraordinary memory – unlike the pharaoh's memory

Ah, the pharaoh no baka. The plight on my little existence…or lack of. There he was, leaning against the wall, staring out at the shrimp's friends. My hikari runs off to "mingle" and I am left to my own devices. Hmm… now what should I do to amuse myself? Luckily I have just the assortment of things to ease a bored spirit such as myself. I search through my duffle bag and pull out a small bag of balloons. Smirking, I saunter off to the kitchen to fill them up.

Well, needless to say the balloons came quite in handy. Oh my Ra, the laughter didn't stop, especially when I saw how completely drenched the pharaoh was. I'm still laughing.

Also needless to say, Ryou was really pissed at me for starting the water balloon fight. And I thought it would cheer him up to take a shower, so he ended up wet as well as still pissed off. Oh well, can't please everyone.

After the water balloons, were gone and everyone had dried off, Ryou started muttering apologies to everyone for my "inappropriate" behavior. I hate it when my host apologizes for something I did and am not sorry for. I told him just that and he glared daggers in my direction. Insert rolling of eyes here. I spend the rest of the next hour locked in a glaring contest with the pharaoh. And you know what? I won! The shrimp distracted him! Your loss, oh mighty one. victory dance

Ryou didn't talk to me all the way home. In fact, he was quite until around bedtime, when he got a phone call from the shrimp. He got real upset after they got done talking. (Sigh) I hate when that happens because it takes a crowbar to pry any information out of him when he's like that. So after an hour of threatening and tremendous annoyance, Ryou finally spilled it.

Apparently there is some play Ryou's school is hosting. He was supposed to be just an understudy (he explained what that was), but now the person is sick or something, meaning he is gonna have to take over.

And he is nervous as hell about it.

And being the supportive dark side that I am, I of course laughed at him and taunted him like the wimpy baby he is. I cannot believe he got all worked up over something as simple as a play. In Egypt they had grand festivals (for nobles of course, but sometimes I invited myself) and they had dancing and plays. It isn't such a bit deal, no matter how much my hikari tries to make it one.

Ryou begged me to help him memorize his lines… okay actually he begged me to do it for him, but I said no way in hell. I am not into that sort of thing. Not going to happen, hikari. So he took to begging for help with the lines. Not that he hasn't got them down, he just doesn't have the confidence to remember them.

Well, gonna go rest. Something tells me I'll need it as tomorrow starts the "helping hikari" day. (Sigh) How do I get myself into these situations?

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**_Joy: There you go! Review!_**


	3. San

Joy: Oh my Ra, has it really been this long? Gods, I am terribly sorry for the...um, LONG delay in updates, especially on this nice little story. I think I might do one or two more chapters on this before calling this one done. To be honest, I got really really stuck on this story and decided to put it on the shelf until I could come up with something. It's not the best chappie I've done, but here comes the next entry to Bakura's journal.

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**San**

Today royally sucked ass. It started out so good. I had a good night's rest and a good breakfast. Then things went downhill fast.

It was bad from the moment I found out Ryou was sick.

How dare he get sick without my permission!

And then he asked me to do the worst possible thing in the world. The one thing I was dreading he would ask. The one thing I never wanted to do no matter what.

I asked me to take his place in school for the day.

Of course, I vehemently refused, stating that it wasn't MY job to go to school for my host. I was not his secretary, his parent, or his stand-in.

Did I mention those repulsive chibi eyes? Well, he tried them on me again and guess what happened.

Go on, guess.

GUESS DAMN IT!

Well, if you guessed that I would spend my precious time taking my hikari's place in school, than you would be correct. Make no mistake, I did this against my will and will NEVER do it again. Let me explain the reasons why.

One. That annoying oh high and mighty pharaoh no baka. He immediately noticed I was not my hikari and demanded to know what happened to him.

Hmph. Of course I ignored the baka completely and in fact I gave him the silent treatment as well. Take that you pathetic pharaoh no baka! HA!

Ahem. Now the next reason. Teachers. Those abominations to society. They kept going on and on and on about things I did not even care about an do you want to know the worst part? I had to actually sit there without talking and listen to the endless garbage coming out of their mouths! Can you believe it!?

Another reason? Very well. Two words: Physical Education. That is right. Ryou completely dreads this class and now so do I. I mean, they give you all these instruments of torture and destruction and then forbid you to harm anyone! How is this supposed to be "fun"? Can anyone explain that to me? I got annoyed real fast and ended up hitting as many people as I could with basketballs.

That brings me to the next reason. The principal's office. Why can I not send that irritating oaf to the Shadow Realm? My Maneater Bug would love to have him over for dinner, of that I have little doubt. After the first few seconds of hearing his squeaky voice I wanted to strangle myself, and I am already dead! I think the principal should be listed as some sort of demon. He certainly acts the part.

Now for the last reason: Chemistry. Another course where you are given devices that could potentially aid in a plot for world domination and are told you cannot use them. "Do not mix these two or there will be a bad reaction." Great. Tell me I have something great in my possession and forbid me to use it. That is like giving a starving child a steak and then telling him not to eat it. Now that is truly cruel.

I honestly cannot believe that I managed to go the entire school day without sending even one person to the Shadow Realm. I was quite amazed with myself over that.

Though there is one thing that is needless to say:

I will NEVER go to school for that host of mine EVER again!

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Joy: Yes, yes, I know it is REALLY short but I hope to have a chapter out soon that will cover another entry to the journal. Just bear with me, folks, the next one will come sooner!


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